being misunderstood sucks
it's right up there with death, none of us can escape it
jay shetty posted the following on his Instagram on june 15th. just over a couple of weeks prior, on may 26, 2025, he gave the commencement speech at princeton university and referenced it. i’ve CAPITALIZED the words i want to emphasize as part of this scribble in the margins.
if you do what YOU want, they’ll misunderstand you.
if you do what THEY want, they’ll misunderstand you.
if you speak up, you’re TOO MUCH.
if you STAY QUIET, you’re distant.
if you set boundaries, you’re SELFISH.
if you don’t, you’re a DOORMAT.
if you succeed, you’ve CHANGED.
if you STRUGGLE you’re not doing enough.
if you show emotion, you’re DRAMATIC.
if you don’t, you’re COLD.
if you WALK AWAY, you’re the villain.
if you stay, they’ll keep CROSSING THE LINE.
the truth: you’ll be misunderstood NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO.
so you might as well be misunderstood for DOING WHAT YOU LOVE.
isn’t it weird how we all get stuck in the belief that it’s just us who has to deal with this? EVERYONE feels misunderstood OFTEN. i felt misunderstood at least five times before noon today.
in our own homes, at work, at play, when we’re exchanging money for services, i don’t think there’s one place we find ourselves where we aren’t misunderstood.
so why do we get all bent out of shape when this happens? why do we keep going round and round as human beings about this?
as a life and career coach, i partner with people on a daily basis who feel misunderstood about what they want to contribute for compensation. they’re anxious, uncertain, afraid to say what they really want, they hesitate to explain themselves for fear of being shut down, and they stay miserable because they don’t want to be misunderstood.
same in the workplace. we interact with others who have expectations of us. we dance around the truth, fail to state what is and then feel misunderstood after making this choice.
same in our relationships. we argue, share our opinions, over explain, get frustrated, curse, throw shade, refuse to listen in protest, [fill in the blank].
i’m as guilty as anyone. and, i’m trying to shift this crap.
is there a remedy? I think it’s acceptance, love, and conscious choice.
accept that we all are misunderstood multiple times per day. and, when we feel misunderstood, consider the source and if it’s warranted, just say that so it can be addressed instead of pouting, complaining, and being a victim.
lovingly communicate well with those who deserve those extra words and time. and, when we struggle to communicate well, be vulnerable and share that we’re wrestling with the words that will get our message across, and humbly ask for their listening ear and be willing to provide ours.
in those cases when we don’t have a listening ear from someone who we desperately want to understand us but instead they choose to judge, dismiss, hold on to their misunderstanding, fill in the gaps with their version of the story, [fill in the blank], just accept it, and as mel robbins so simply states in her latest book, “let them” then “let me [you]” decide our next ‘just right’ step and move forward.
consciously choose what the next ‘just right’ step is for you. will that mean you’ll be misunderstood? absolutely. but you have to keep moving forward, consciously living “your life,” the next best version of it. moving forward is not dependent on whether we are understood by others or not. we’re all born with a purpose and the permission and power to choose what lights us up!
we have to be OK with being misunderstood for what we said, what we did, what we desire to do, what we love to do. the alternative is simply a waist of our precious time, energy, effort and resources.
is this easy? NO. is it possible? ABSOLUTELY.
there’s so much more to unpack from his words above, but i’ll end here knowing that this entire post will be misunderstood.
just my scribbles in the margins . . .